Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
