I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
