He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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