Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
