one might say we're banned from that church
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
