sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
