you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
