are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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