just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
my poor anus
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
