I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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