ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
