dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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