hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Randomize
