the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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