I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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