Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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