i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Dignity is for republicans.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I didn't notice because vodka
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
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