if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
