I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
