All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
