The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize