you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
