My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Randomize
