just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
