They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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