I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
