I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
