Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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