Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize