I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
