im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I'm passing your future prison.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Randomize
