i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Randomize
