After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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