I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
