I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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