Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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