i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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