My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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