I'll bet she douches with gravy.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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