I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
