i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
