I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
