Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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