I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
