If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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