i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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