Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
