i was born a porn star she said
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
