Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
