just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
