Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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