dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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