the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
