that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
