just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
