So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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