I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
