she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
