If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
