My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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