he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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