there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize