Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize