I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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