Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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