so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
